Sealed Envelopes
by mumei
Summary: An older Heero Yuy finds a mysterious letter from the past. Is it something special, or just another piece of paper?


Sealed Envelopes

By mumei

It was quiet in Heero Yuy's apartment. He had lived in the same place for over a decade now, keeping to himself. He had aged as many professional, perfect soldiers do during peace-- growing a bit more bitter, restless, and melancholy with each passing year. Heero was growing into a master loner. He was alone most of the time, except when he was working. And even there he kept to himself. 

He worked with the Preventers, but he still felt as though a part of him was missing. A part that he had only found during war. But he shrugged these thoughts off as worthless and continued with his lonely, dull work. Some days these thoughts would refuse to be shrugged, and he would sit and brood for hours. What was missing from his life? he wondered. Was it even worth bothering about? Ultimately he dwelt on one dreary thought-- Peace. Peace was important, he always conceded that. Peace throughout the universe was far more important than the restlessness of his own soul. 

Today, Heero Yuy had no work. As much as he may have hated it, the Preventers made him take two days off a week. They wouldn't let him get another job. They lectured him on the reasons he had to rest-- but he didn't really pay attention. 

Since he had nothing else to do today, so he settled for cleaning. He hated to be idle. He had to keep busy-- to keep moving. It was just his way. 

The rooms themselves were spotless-- no speck of dirt or misplaced paper caught the eye. Heero decided to start culling the hard copies of files and such that were threatening to fill his closet. The war had been over for many years, the ensuing rebellions had been stopped-- there was no need for his stored data. But something made him go through the boxes. He wasn't willing to give up his past so easily, so readily. 

He sat on the floor, a cooling mug of coffee by his side. He flipped through reports and schematics. He spent hours going through his belongings, box after box. His hands lingered slightly before throwing the papers into the trash. So far, he had kept only one small box-- it was something that Quatre had given him, a collection of momentos. There were a few photographs, some scrap Gundamium, and several pieces of paper. There were phone numbers, and addresses, and personal notes. It was as unimportant as the rest of his material, but it reminded him of the time when he felt whole. When he had a real purpose and reason for living. 

He started in on another box. He pulled out some more schematics, barely flipping through them before moving to toss them in the trash. 

He almost didn't notice it-- a slightly yellowed envelope, pristine and perfect… and unopened. How strange, he thought as he opened the letter. 

He sat and stared for a moment

"Heero I love you. I'll wait for you, until the stars don't shine. Remember, it's all I can do-- love you. I know it seems as though we aren't meant to be, but I can't help it. I dream-- it is all that I can do until you love me in return." 

Heero couldn't quite believe what he had just read. He reread it, then reread it again. Sure enough, the delicate words didn't change. 

Heero wasn't sure who it was from. Someone he met recently? Or from some earlier time, a different place, when people still made the mistake of trying to like him? Heero never did see the value in these crazy emotions-- they were a hindrance, though to what he couldn't say. Soldiers didn't think too well in peacetime, Heero was no exception. 

Heero turned the paper over to inspect the cream-colored envelope. There was no name, no return address on the envelope. No clues whatsoever. The paper was basic white printing paper, the ink was ordinary black ink. The handwriting wasn't familiar, but then again Heero never did pay much attention to handwriting. For him, everything was typed. He looked again and again, but still there was nothing. Heero could only guess that it was from some time past-- how long, he wasn't sure. 

Suddenly, there were no certainties for him. His life, though gloomy, had been predictable. He had been restless, but it was a comfortable sort. 

Somebody loved him? Why? Why would anyone do that? Didn't they see how ridiculous it was? And yet…. 

Heero set the letter aside, atop the box of Quatre's. Then, with his thoughts shaken, he continued. He was a soldier-- he could continue his mission. Heero looked and looked through boxes. 

He threw out a half dozen boxes that day. Part of him hoped to find more of those letters, but at the same time he feared them. A fear that had been unchallenged by war, and death, and killing. He found only one more letter-- again unopened, seemingly thrown hastily into another box. Its words left Heero with a strange chill running down his spine. Had any more come? Heero brushed those thoughts aside. It didn't matter. Reverently, he opened the envelope and read:

"Heero, I've tried to contact you, but you never answered. I wish I knew why. It doesn't matter though. I'll be waiting. Waiting for as long as it takes. I love you Heero. I'll love you forever."

He carefully put his small box of the past back into the closet. Then he placed the letters in his desk drawer. 

He went about his life-- the same melancholy, gloomy life that he kept telling himself was all that he would ever get. Guilt took an anonymous role in his life. It kept him in check, but never revealed itself by name. It just existed. Heero wouldn't think about it, he wouldn't talk about it-- not even if he had someone to talk to. 

But one night, he couldn't help his wandering thoughts. What if, what if…. The ideas rolled about in his head. He went to his desk and pulled out a pair of letters-- The Letters. He read them as he sat in his window seat. He paused and looked to the heavens. He stared at the stars, space, knowing that the colonies that he swore to protect twinkled down from there as well. The stars gave him peace, but not tonight. What if…. Heero put away the letters with a resigned sigh. It would never happen. For such a man as he, these things were impossible. Promised were not made to be kept. They were made to be broken-- to hurt-- to kill. That person does not exist, Heero thought to himself. They don't exist, they don't exist, they don't exist… the words repeated themselves and became his mantra every time he felt himself growing sentimental. Sentiments only made his gloom less bearable. 

If only Heero knew that somewhere, someone was waiting as promised. That they existed and still dreamed, still longed…. So close, and yet so far away. 

In the passing days and weeks, Heero would occasionally take out those letters again and read them. He would wait for the proverbial rainy day-- a day when he needed to feel something besides his all-too-familiar melancholy. He always read them carefully, pausing over every word. He would think about what he missed, what he could have had. Heero would think of these words and look to the heavens, wondering but never knowing if that other someone was doing the same. They were. 

He always ended those evenings by gently putting the letters back in their plain envelopes. Then, ever so carefully, he shut them away in a desk drawer. But still, despite being hidden, those words burned-- 

"Heero, I love you…Forever." 

Disclaimer: Don't own GW, never will, end of story. 

Author's Notes: Has anyone out there every heard Marvin the Paranoid Android's song "Marvin, I Love You" (or some variation of that)? It is a Dr. Demento song, and after hearing it blaring from my brother's stereo, I had to do something about it. And viola! This fic was born. Please, please, please R/R! It will make my day if you do! 


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